Pregnancy Cravings

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, I am posting a devotional from my book about my son, Parker's Story: Essays on Autism and Awesometism.

KEY VERSE:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

ESSAY:

            Why is it that my wife is pregnant, but I am the one gaining all of the weight? I hate that.

            It has got me thinking, though, about all of my wife’s pregnancy cravings. She hasn’t really ventured into anything too weird, like pickles dipped in peanut butter, or stuff along those lines. And I am grateful for that. I was never looking forward to the midnight runs to the grocery store for sardines and caramel sauce. Her cravings have been mostly standard, yet surprising, food items.

            At first it was orange soda. We almost bought stock in the beverage company she was guzzling the soda pop so fast. Then we realized that particular brand of orange soda had caffeine, and many healthcare professionals discourage caffeine intake during pregnancy, so that craving was nipped in the bud.

            Then it delved into milkshakes. The thick and creamy ones from a popular fast food joint were a favorite. Until she learned I could make them at home just as good. She traded back and forth between chocolate, chocolate peanut butter and strawberry banana flavored milkshakes. All three flavors got a thumbs up in my book. In fact, I think I’ll go make me a milkshake as soon as I am finished writing this essay. (I just answered my initial question. This is why I am the one gaining all of the pregnancy weight. J )

            Lately it has been peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she is craving. Maybe that is why kids love them so much when they are growing up. Because all their moms ate PB & J while they were in utero. I guess we just revert back to the familiar. I ate sooooooo many peanut butter and jelly “samiches” as a kid. A certain quantity of peanut butter flows through my veins, I am positive of it.

            With only six weeks to go, who knows what food it will be next. But I am guessing it will be delicious. And maybe she’ll let me have a bite!

            The blessing in this cravings distraction is it allows my wife and me to focus on something else rather than worry about the difficulties with her pregnancy and the health of our unborn son. That is in God’s hands and in Philippians 4:6-7 He has commanded us not to worry or be anxious. If we avoid worrying, He will grant us peace, even in the midst of the uncertainty.

ABOUT AUTISM:

We are still in the dark, so to speak, about autism at this juncture. That diagnosis does not come until much later. Still, there are so many other health risks to be concerned about at this point. So I am grateful to God that he did not burden us with the fear of autism as well. We were already on edge.

APPLICATION:

My wife craved certain foods during her pregnancy. But during all times of our lives, we should crave after God’s word. If we do, we’ll learn not to worry and earn the promise of God’s peace. What worry keeps you up at night? What in your life write now is making you anxious? Turn it over to the Prince of Peace. Write a prayer in your journal confessing your worry and counter it with praises and thanksgiving to the God who is always in control.

IF I ONLY HAD A (HEALTHY) BRAIN

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, I am posting a devotional from my book about my son, Parker's Story: Essays on Autism and Awesometism.

KEY VERSE:

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. 3 John 1:2

ESSAY:

One of my favorite films of all time is the 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz. The famous Hollywood musical features a number of song and dance numbers, perhaps none more revealing than the Scarecrow’s plea in his song If I Only Had a Brain.

            That song took on new meaning this week. My wife Stephanie is currently six months pregnant with our first child. A son, his name is Parker. We named him very early on and have been calling him that while he is in the womb. I even have some silly songs, though not as famous as the Scarecrow’s, I sing to him about his name.

            But there was no singing when my wife received the results from her regularly scheduled pregnancy checkup. During the routine and regular ultrasound appointment the doctor discovered a cyst on our son's brain. He immediately referred us to a specialist.

            We had our scheduled appointment with that specialist, a perinatologist, earlier this week. I would characterize most of what we learned as disappointing or scary news, but with the possibility that all might turn out fine. There is still a lot that remains unknown.

            The perinatologist did confirm that Parker has a cyst on his brain. The cyst is, to my eye, quite large, compared to the size of his brain. It is not on the skull, but inside on his actual brain. That is what makes it potentially so dangerous.

            They have determined, for now, there is no medical or surgical procedure they should do for Parker until after he is born. Stephanie has been referred to a pediatric neurosurgeon and for an appointment to have an MRI. The MRI will tell the medical professionals more about where the cyst is located on the brain and what the tissue surrounding the cyst looks like. The neurosurgeon will then interpret the results of the MRI for us and help us determine next steps.

            Best case scenario: Parker is born with a cyst on his brain. Damage to him and his brain would be minimal or nonexistent. And after birth they would perform surgery to drain and/or remove the cyst and that would be a successful procedure.

            Worst case scenario: the existence of the cyst is the result of, or indication of, some sort of leakage or bleeding on the brain. This would/could lead to damaged tissue around the cyst. That damaged tissue could represent permanent brain damage. This is what the MRI is supposed to reveal: if there is any brain damage at this time and if so, to what extent.

            Parker seems fine in every other developmental category except for this problem on his brain. If only it were a hang nail or a stubbed toe. But it is much more serious in that, like Dorothy’s Scarecrow, it involves his brain.

            We are, of course, singing out our prayers to God that there is no brain damage.

ABOUT AUTISM:

At this early stage, we are still not concerned about autism. It has not been mentioned, discussed or diagnosed. Right now we are dealing with all of the other brain abnormalities that the doctors are discovering our son has.

APPLICATION:

In our world we all know someone who is suffering a health crisis. It could be a loved one, a co-worker or even you, the reader. First, start off by singing some praises to God. Lift up your voice in chorus to our Creator and Healer. Then spend a few moments in prayer praying for that person. Thank God for their life and lift up current their health struggles.

Sutter News Plus: Parker's Story

My employer, Sutter Health, used an article and poem I wrote about my son to support March of Dimes.

"Donating to March of Dimes means donating to a miracle just like mine."

BOY OR GIRL? THE AGE OLD QUESTION

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, I am posting a devotional from my book about my son, Parker's Story: Essays on Autism and Awesometism.

KEY VERSE:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

ESSAY:

My beautiful wife is 15 weeks pregnant. Ever since she found out she was expecting, it has been her desire for us to have a baby girl (although I know she'd be happy with a boy). Last week I was inclined to agree with her. I told her with the crazy world that we live in right now, as unstable as it is, maybe if we have a daughter, she'll be less likely to have to grow up and fight in a war someday. (She might choose to join the military on her own, and that would be fine with us. We would support her and be full of pride.) However, my wife said something very wise and selfless in response. She said, if we have a boy, maybe we'll raise him in such a way as to prepare him to be a soldier if in fact his God or his country needs him some day. She's right. We need boys like that. Boys who are strong and courageous. We need families who raise boys like that. No one wants to go to war. But there are times when you must. And if someday my son (or daughter) decides to serve in the military, or even is expected to do so, my prayer is that he is up to the task and willing to do so. His mom and I will be so proud.

ABOUT AUTISM:

According to 2016 information provided by Autism Speaks, a non-profit organization dedicated to learning the impact of autism on individuals and families, boys get diagnosed with autism 5 times more often than girls. It is sobering to think of how a nation’s military is impacted by the large numbers of young men who are most likely not able to serve their country because of their autism.

APPLICATION:

Think of someone you know who is serving in the military. Perhaps it is you or someone in your family. Thank God for their service and bravery. Commit to telling them “thank you for your service” the next time you see them. Thank God that He is willing and able to go with them, wherever they must go and serve. Pray for their safety and for blessings on their family as they both show bravery and make sacrifices for their nation and for freedom.

HEARTBEAT, LOOKING FOR A HEARTBEAT

In recognition of Autism Awareness Month, I am posting devotionals from my book about my son, Parker's Story: Essays on Autism and Awesometism.

KEY VERSE:

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.  Ecclesiastes 11:5

ESSAY:

Do you remember that corny, old Don Johnson song from the 1980s? (Yes, Don Johnson of Miami Vice fame, once thought he could sing, like Eddie Murphy.) The chorus was catchy, with him singing repeatedly about how he was looking for a heartbeat. Well, yesterday my wife and I found one. For the first time we heard the heartbeat of our almost 12-week old baby growing inside his mommy's tummy. It was very emotional. My wife teared up. I teared up just a few weeks earlier when the ultrasound allowed us to see our baby's heartbeat for the first time. A previous miscarriage had resulted in an ultrasound where there was no heartbeat to see (or hear). So hearing and seeing the baby's heartbeat this time around were moments of relief and excitement for us parents-to-be.

Modern technology is marvelous. It allows fathers a glimpse into the life of their unborn baby. The child doesn't grow inside us, kick us, or get our attention in any way besides noticing the growth in the size of our spouse's belly. But now through the ultrasound we get to see inside and I think that helps us feel less detached from the process, and more emotional about it. At least it did for me.

They have been saying for years that technology would make it more difficult for the pro-abortion movement. Now I understand why. When expectant mothers (and fathers) can hear and see their baby's heartbeat and development on a monitor, it becomes more difficult to abort the child. It is no longer an abstract idea, one you can detach yourself from. It becomes a living, breathing entity growing inside. And for me at least, that moment was a bonding experience. The baby doesn't live inside me, but from that moment I saw the heartbeat it began to live inside my heart. And so hearing (and seeing) my child's heartbeat is music to my ears.

ABOUT AUTISM:

Currently, to my knowledge, ultrasounds do not reveal a diagnosis of autism. There is no test that I know of that will determine, before birth, whether or not your child will be on the autism spectrum. So at this point in our journey, my wife and I had no idea what to expect. And I am thankful for that because it allowed me to bond early on with my child, absent of fear or worry. You quickly learn as a parent, and we were about to learn very soon, that there is plenty of time for that later on.

APPLICATION:

Are you or someone you know about to have a blessed new addition to the family? Thank God for creating that baby. Pray for that person, that pregnancy, and that family right now. Ask God to protect the mother, the pregnancy and the delivery. And ask God to give the parents moments of excited anticipation as they wait for their new arrival.

Parker's Dedication Page

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, I am featuring sections from my book about my son: Parker's Story: Essays on Autism and Awesometism.

This book is dedicated to my son Parker.

You are the inspirational light of my life, Sweepers.

Thanks also to all of the teachers, doctors and therapists

who have poured into Parker’s life in such an

uplifting, patient and selfless way.

Song of Stress

In honor of Autism Awareness month, I am sharing this devotional from my book about my son: Parker's Story: Essays on Autism and Awesometism.

KEY VERSE:

 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

ESSAY:

            I wrote my very first praise chorus a while back. I don’t know how to post audio in this book. You don’t really want to hear me sing anyway. All you need to know is that when I try to sing, my son screams, “No!” So you will just have to trust me that it has an original tune to it.

Song of Stress

When I’m angry and I’m stressed,

Then I must remember I’m blessed.

I’m blessed just to worship the Lord.

When I’m angry and I’m stressed,

Then I must remember I’m blessed.

I’m blessed just to worship the Lord.

The Lord for all He’s done for me.

He’s saved me for all eternity.

When I’m angry and I’m stressed,

Then I must remember I’m blessed.

I’m blessed just to worship the Lord.

Oh yes, I will worship the Lord.

Yes I will worship the Lord.

            As you can probably tell by the lyrics, I wrote this song when I was…yes, you guessed it, stressed. I tend to remember to sing it when I am in stressful times, too. It came to mind today as I was worrying about finances. I sing it frequently when I am worried about my son’s health or when his autistic tantrums increase in frequency, duration or intensity. The chorus helps remind me not to focus on myself or the stress, but on God. In that way it has been a big blessing. Maybe one day it can be a blessing to others as well.

ABOUT AUTISM:

            I have not mentioned many details about my son’s tantrums. The truth is, they are difficult to discuss. It is easier and more joyful to write about the triumphant times. But his tantrums are intense and frequent.  They can occur at home or out in public. They can be violent, too – with hitting, kicking and throwing of items. He has broken two windows in our house by throwing items during a tantrum. As he has gotten older the tantrums have become more of a physical battle and he can sometimes land a punch or a hit that stings or even leaves a bruise. Autistic tantrums are not uncommon. Many people on the autism spectrum have them. These individuals cannot process how life is unfolding around them so they act out in one of the only ways they know how.

APPLICATION:

            Since this is a book and you cannot hear me singing the song I wrote, memorize the words and make up your own tune. Teach it to yourself and sing it as a song of praise the next time you find yourself in a stressful situation. It may help to calm you down and focus your thoughts on your Creator. He is the one who can rescue you from your stress. And the next time you see a parent and a child in public battling it out in a chaotic or violent confrontation, pray for them. It may be more than just an unruly situation. The child may have autism which makes it even more difficult to control or contain their behavior.

Parker's Poem

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, here is a devotional from my book about my son, Parker's Story: Essays on Autism and Awesometism.

PARKER’S POEM

KEY VERSE:

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

ESSAY:

            I wrote a poem this morning about my son. He was born with cerebral palsy, up to 50% brain malformation, a brain cyst, and developmental delay. At age 3 he was also diagnosed with autism. He faces a lot of difficulties. I wanted this poem to challenge people, including myself, who complain about how tough life is. My son doesn’t complain. He just overcomes. This is definitely a Philippians 4:13 inspired poem.

Parker’s Poem

When you think it can’t be done,

Just remember my son.

Born with half a brain.

A life destined for pain.

They said he might not walk.

And possibly not talk.

We wondered would he crawl?

Or ever throw a ball?

But lots of people prayed.

Daily progress he has made.

And now at age of six,

He runs and throws and kicks.

Don’t tell me you can’t do it.

That there’s too much to go through it.

You haven’t met my son.

He’s proof it can be done.

            I got excited when I finished this poem. I like this poem. I think it is inspiring. I think my son is inspiring.

APPLICATION:

            Who inspires you? Do your children or grandchildren inspire you? We all have the potential to inspire one another to greatness. Philippians 4:13 says we can do all things, even inspire others, through Christ. Maybe more important than asking the question who inspires you is asking who would you like to inspire? Pray for someone who needs your godly inspiration today and then go out of your way to do something special for them.

Wheely Good Time

I would love it if this audition got me on the game show!

Psalm 31:24

My autistic son shows us how to be strong and take heart in the Lord.

Parker's Prayers

If my 4 year old son (at the time) can have enough faith, shouldn't we be able to do the same?

Marketing Help Needed

I have written three books: 2 novels and a non-fiction devotional about my son. They aren't award winning literature, but I think they are entertaining. Now if I could only get people to read them.

Exodus 35

…“and He has filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills – to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood and to engage in all kinds of artistic crafts.” (Exodus 35: 31-33, emphasis mine.)

I have been reading in Exodus for my daily devotionals. A significant portion of the book is devoted to the design and décor of the tabernacle and artifacts. My first response to these chapters is always this is sort of boring, I wonder why it is included in Scripture. Maybe it is to give us a glimpse of what the splendor of heaven will be like. After all, if God puts this much care and detail into an earthly structure, how much more glorious it will likely to be in heaven.

I do like the verses, like the ones above, that acknowledge the creative people who poured their talents into the tabernacle. It is encouraging to know that God endowed these artists with their skills and values and recognizes their work.

I like to think of myself as a creative person, though not with my hands. My creativity is more along the lines of writing, speaking and performing. My wife, however, is very creative with her hands. She is crafty. She knits. She is an excellent crocheter and has perfected her skills over the last 27 years. Her crocheted items are always given as gifts or donated to worthy causes. These verses could have been written about her, if she lived during the time of the book of Exodus:

“Every skilled woman spun with her hands and brought what she had spun – blue, purple or scarlet yarn or fine linen. And all the women who were willing and had the skill spun the goat hair.” (Exodus 35:25-26.)

On a side note I find it interesting that the Bible notes that women did the spinning. Evidently no men were involved in, or skilled at, this creative endeavor. That stereotype still exists to some extent as few men today are known for their knitting or crocheting skills. My wife has tried to teach me to crochet and honestly, I can’t get the hang of it. I don’t have the skill or the patience for it.

But God did have the skill and the patience for building and designing a breathtaking tabernacle on earth. And He used people to do it. God endowed men with creative gifts that He valued and then gave these individuals the wisdom and skill to match His design down to the very last detail. That’s encouraging to me and helps me see beyond what might be a boring section of Scripture. Exodus, and my wife’s example, remind me that ultimately He created these artistic gifts and wants us to use them for His glory.

My thoughts on the election

I feel a tremendous sense of grief. My body hasn’t processed it yet. It is still welled up inside of me. There is a restless quality to it. And fear. Fear for the future. Fear for Israel. Fear for the unborn. Fear for the rights of gun owners. The list is endless.

It’s not that Romney was my guy. He wasn’t. He wasn’t even my first or second choice. I voted for Senator Santorum in the California primary election. It is more that Obama is definitely not and never will be my guy. For where we are in history, for where we are morally, for where we are fiscally, reelecting President Obama is a disaster for our nation. Don’t believe me? Time will tell. It may not take much time actually.

My wife and I were very involved in the 2008 presidential campaign. We were fond of Governor Palin. We shared a kinship with her. We both have special needs children and avoided the temptation to abort. She is likeable and a solid conservative. We went to campaign rallies, donated money, wore t-shirts, displayed bumper stickers, planted yard signs, wrote letters to the editor. I spent hundreds of hours in prayer for her campaign and the presidential election. As you know, it didn’t turn out so well.

2008 was an exhausting and discouraging experience. This time, it was less exhausting but even more discouraging. This time, I don’t think our nation will survive.

ACCEPTING CONFORMITY

THEME: In a new environment, people sometimes go to great extremes in order to be accepted. Part of this acceptance process can involve conforming to society and losing your own identity and individuality.

SYNOPSIS: This is a mime sketch. An outsider approaches a circle of friends, eager to be accepted. They teach the outsider the dos and don'ts of their group. At first he follows their lead but later feels stifled by the strict and conforming guidelines. In the end, the outsider realizes that true friends will accept him for who he is and not require that he conform to their liking.

A CIRCLE OF ODD NUMBERED FRIENDS, ARMS ENTWINED, IS LAUGHING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME. AN OUTSIDER SEES THE GROUP AND HOPES IT CAN CURE THE LONELINESS HE FEELS. HE APPROACHES, SMILES AND GESTURES THAT HE'D LIKE TO JOIN. RELUCTANTLY THEY AGREE.

THE OUTSIDER IS EXCITED AND SENSING HIS ENTHUSIASM, THE GROUP TEACHES HIM THEIR SPECIAL HANDSHAKE. THE OUTSIDER PROVIDES AN EVEN NUMBER SO EVERYONE HAS SOMEONE TO SHAKE WITH. THE OUTSIDER SLOWLY LEARNS THE DETAILED HANDSHAKE THAT COMES AUTOMATICALLY TO THE OTHER MEMBERS. AFTER A LITTLE FRUSTRATION, THE OUTSIDER FINALLY MASTERS IT.

AFTER THIS, THE GROUP MEMBERS EXAMINE THE OUTSIDER'S CLOTHES AND DEMAND A FEW CHANGES. THEY STICK HIS SHIRT COLLAR UP. THEY TURN HIS CAP BACKWARDS AND MAKE OTHER CHANGES SO HE LOOKS MORE LIKE THEM. HE RESISTS AT FIRST, BUT GIVES UP WHEN HE SEES THE PLEASED LOOK ON THEIR FACES.

NEXT, THE GROUP BEGINS TO PRACTICE THEIR WALK AROUND THE CIRCLE. THE OUTSIDER LAUGHS AT THEIR EXAGGERATED STRUT AND PERSISTS IN WALKING NORMAL. WHEN THEY SEE THIS, THEY SURROUND HIM AND ANGRILY SHAKE FISTS AND FINGERS AT HIM. THEY DEMONSTRATE THE WALK FOR HIM AGAIN. HE TRIES IT A FEW TIMES, BUT SEEMS UNINTERESTED IN IT. HE TRIES TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT BUT THE GROUP DEMANDS THAT HE MASTER THE WALK. EVENTUALLY HE RESENTS THEIR CONFORMITY AND REFUSES TO MASTER THE WALK. HE PUTS HIS COLLAR AND CLOTHES BACK THE WAY THEY WERE AND HE LEAVES THE GROUP. THE GROUP IS ANGRY AT HIS REJECTION. HE IS SMILING AND CONFIDENT AS HE WALKS AWAY.

Acts 12 Devotional

Here are the key points as I see them in regard to Peter's miraculous escape from a jail cell. These points all relate to God's willingness to perform miracles. Believe it or not, we have a role to play in these miracles.

Key number one is our responsibility is to pray. Prayers prompted God's miraculous response. Peter was released from prison as a result of praying people. Verse 5 says ..."but the church was earnestly praying to God for him." It is important to note that the prayers were directed to God, not to some other entity or being. They were praying to the God Peter believed in and preached about. Verse 12 notes ..."where many people had gathered and were  praying." In both of these verses, there is a significant number of people praying corporately. "The church" and "many people" moved God to act.

For key number two we note how God used an angel to enact this miracle. "Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell" (verse 7). After the prison escape, when it dawned on him that this being was an angel, Peter immediately gave credit to God for this miracle. In verse 11 it says "Then Peter came to himself and said, Now I know without a doubt the Lord sent his angel and rescued me from Herod's clutches and from everything the Jewish people were anticipating." Later in verse 17 it describes how Peter told the church about the Lord's miracle. Peter's recognition here is significant. God has the right and authority to use angels when He pleases. It is important for us to do as Peter did and acknowledge Him, thanking God for the miracle and not the angel.

The third key from this miraculous chapter is found in verse 6. "The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with chains, and sentries stood guard at the entrance." The significant part of this verse is the section, "the night before." God allowed Peter to be imprisoned for a while. He waited until the day before the trial was to start to rescue him. This was a trial in which Peter would most certainly have been found guilty and murdered by Herod. Surely the church would have preferred Peter be rescued right away. Peter, too, was probably eager to get out of that dirty cell and away from death's door. But we must remember that God's timing is not always our timing. He will enact His miracles according to His own time schedule. And His timing always bears fruit. As it says in verse 24, "But the word of God continued to increase and spread." He used Peter's imprisonment and miraculous rescue to point people to Himself and the Word. And as a result many accepted the Gospel.

OFFICE PRAYER

OFFICE PRAYER

SYNOPSIS: 5 corporate executives discuss business in a morning meeting. The skit serves as a reminder not to forget, or be reluctant to include, the power of prayer in every aspect of your life.

SETTING: Executive office boardroom. Characters are well-dressed, business-like. They sit around a table during a meeting.

THE SKIT BEGINS WITH SMALL TALK AS THREE OF THE FIVE CHARACTERS ARE ALREADY IN THE ROOM. TWO ARE SEATED NEXT TO EACH OTHER. THE THIRD IS GETTING COFFEE.

LISA: So, did you have a good weekend?

PHIL: Yah. Marge dragged me to the church picnic yesterday. We had a pretty good time.

LISA: Sounds fun.

GIL: ( SITTING DOWN, WITH  COFFEE IN HAND.) Sure, as long as you don't eat any spoiled potato salad. I remember one church potluck when we got so busy singing we'd forgotten how long we had left the foot out in the sun. I have never been so sick in all of my life.

WALTER ENTERS THE ROOM CARRYING A BRIEFCASE.

WALTER: OK, what are we waiting for? It's 9 AM. Let's get started.

LISA: Susan is not here yet.

WALTER: (SITTING.) So what? That's her loss. I've got work to do. Let's gt this show on the road.

GIL: Yah, you're right. Besides, she'll probably be here any minute. I call this meeting to order. First item, we've got the Hershberg presentation this Friday. How is it coming?

SUSAN: (HURRIEDLY ENTERS THE ROOM.) Sorry I'm late. I got tied up at the copy machine. What's up?

SUSAN SITS DOWN AROUND THE TABLE.

PHIL: We're discussing the Hershberg project. I'm supposed to meet with Mr. Hershberg Friday to make the final presentation. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get all of my materials together. It's gonna be a close call.

WALTER: (IRRITATED.) Oh, come on Phil! We can't keep delaying this. We gave you this project because we thought you could handle it.

SUSAN: Hang on, Walter. Give him a break. Let's at least hear him out.

LISA: Yah. What seems to be the problem, Phil?

PHIL: I'm not really sure. There seems to be a personality conflict between our firm and Hershberg's accounting department. I've contacted them several times to request the financial projection sheets, but I get nowhere. Now they won't even return my calls.

LISA: I don't understand.

PHIL: Well, the way I see it, there may be some resentment between Mr. Hershberg and his people. They may be bitter because he chose to come to us, an outside consulting firm, instead of letting them handle the project.

GIL: Well, that sounds like an internal problem. It's out of our hands.

WALTER: (STANDS UP.) Oh no it's not. We've got to take charge of the situation. What are you Phil, some kind of a wimp or something? You gotta go over to Hershberg's office and have it out with the head of the accounting department. One on one. Put this guy in his place.

SUSAN: I disagree Walter. There's got to be a diplomatic solution to this problem.

PHIL: I've tried everything I can think of. I even had my secretary call over and make the request a few times, just in case it was me they didn't like.

GIL: What about approaching Hershberg? Have you told him of your difficulties?

PHIL: I may have to on Friday. He is out of town until then. You see, when I first met with Hershberg to discuss the project, he pulled in the head of his accounting department. Joe...something or other is his name. Mr. Hersberg told Joe to cooperate with us and give us anything we need. Well, Joe was all smiles and promises then, but none of it has materialized. Mr. Hershberg is a hands-off owner. He's not going to be pleased if we complain of some kind of petty problem between us and his people.

LISA: Well, I don't know that we have any other option.

SUSAN: Have you prayed about it?

WALTER: (LAUGHINGLY.) Has he what?

SUSAN: Have you prayed about it?

PHIL: Well, no, I haven't.

WALTER: Of course he hasn't. This isn't a church thing. We're not missionaries or preachers, we're business people!

SUSAN: I believe God is interested in every aspect of our lives. If you have a personal relationship with Him you tell Him if your kids are sick. Or you pray if you're having marital problems. Why shouldn't you pray about problems at work?

WALTER: (ANGRILY.) This is ridiculous. You can't sit back and let these people walk all over you. You gotta take the bull by the horns. You know where I stand. I'm outta here. You'll have to resolve this problem without me. (WALTER BEGINS TO STORM OUT OF THE ROOM.) (SARCASTICALLY.) Pray about it!

WALTER EXITS.

SUSAN: (STANDING.) Listen, I'm sorry that Walter left the room. I didn't mean for that to happen. I just feel like prayer is an honest way to deal with the problem.

LISA: Well, honestly, I don't have much experience praying. But I kind of like the idea. I think we should pray at all of our meetings.

GIL: OK. Maybe we should pray at the end of our meetings so Walter can leave if he'd like.

SUSAN: Sure. Is that OK with you, Phil?

PHIL: You bet. Now I'll be reminded to pray about it on my own and as a group we can ask God for help to continue to prepare and act diplomatically through Friday. And for a spirit of cooperation to surface between us and the accounting department.

GIL: OK. This meeting is adjourned. Let's pray.

ALL FOUR CHARACTERS BOW IN PRAYER AS SKIT ENDS.

NEWS REVIEW

NEWS REVIEW

THEME: Two buddies go to the movies together. One reads the paper aloud to the other for entertainment while they wait in line. The skit reflects how the increase of violence and immorality in our society is often paralleled in our choices of entertainment.

SETTING: Imagine two men in an outdoor line, in front of a movie theater, waiting to buy tickets. As the skit progresses, their movement represents the shortening of the line.

TWO MEN STAND BESIDE ONE ANOTHER, ACTING AS IF THEY ARE IN AN OUTDOOR LINE, WAITING.

BOB: Wow, it is freezing out here!

BILL: I know, and this line is so long.

BOB: (UNFOLDS NEWSPAPER HE HAS BEEN HOLDING). Never fear. That's why I brought the newspaper along. To pass the time while we wait for the movie.

BILL: Good idea. Read me something interesting.

BOB: I will if I can find anything. Here we go. (READING.) "Miss America Contestants Face Up to Plastic Surgery." It seems several former Miss America contestants had plastic surgery before the competition.

BILL: What, is nothing sacred? You can't even trust Miss America anymore. Oh well. See if you can find something a little more macho in the next story. I don't want these other people in line to get the wrong idea, you know.

BOB: OK, I'll see what I can do.  (READING.) "Gang Rioting Expected to Increase." That macho enough for you?

BILL: Plenty macho, but also plenty disturbing. Find me something I can relate to.

BOB: Well, since I left the sports section in the bathroom, you'll have to settle for (READING) "Man Kills Best Friend in Dispute Over Lottery Ticket."

BILL: Moving right along, next story please. Something a little less tragic this time, best friend.

BOB: You do realize you're severely limiting yourself here. Let me see.  (READING.) "Arsonist Injures Three in Hospital Blaze."

BILL: That's less tragic?

BOB: Well at least they didn't die.

BILL: What is the deal here, anyway? Did you grab the "gloom and doom" section of the paper or what? People are beginning to stare at us. Find something less depressing this time.

BOB: How can I? Most of the stuff in here is pretty depressing. Listen to this.  (READING.) "Drug Warlords Gain Upper Hand with Violence Aimed at Cops."

BILL: (FRUSTRATED.) Stop it! That's enough. What is this world coming too? How much longer is God going to put up with this?

BOB: I don't know. Look, I'm sorry. These are real stories, though. In a real newspaper. I'm not making this stuff up.

BILL: Yah, well enough with the depressing and violent stuff alright. I mean we're here to see a movie. Don't read anymore OK?

BOB: Hold on. Here's the movie section. They've got a review of the film we're seeing.

BILL: Really? Read it. Tell me what it's about.

BOB:  (READING.) "The hero escapes from prison, killing 3 guards during the escape. Once out, he falls in love with a drug addict and must beat up her pimp to save her life. He then embarks on successful career as an underworld loan shark."

BILL: (EXCITEDLY.) Cool. Sounds like 4-star action adventure escapism to me.

BOB: No doubt. Two thumbs up! Let's hope it's not sold out.

FREEZE OR FADE TO BLACK

PHONE GOSSIP

Here is another drama sketch I wrote in college, or somewhere around that time. I have tweaked it. This is the first time it has been published anywhere.

PHONE GOSSIP

SYNOPSIS: A man acts out a phone conversation between himself and his best friend. The best friend is not seen or heard. This skit is a monologue of James 4:3, "When you ask you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

SETTING: A typical living room with a man and a telephone.

ANNOUNCER: James 4:3-- "When you ask you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

THE SKIT BEGINS WITH A MAN SITTING ON A COUCH, CHANGING CHANNELS BY REMOTE. HIS PHONE RINGS. HE HURRIEDLY ANSWERS. MAN REMAINS VERY ANIMATED AND AGITATED THROUGHOUT THE PHONE CONVERSATION.

IN THE DIALOGUE BELOW, "..."REPRESENTS TIME WHEN THE "MAN" IS LISTENING TO HIS FRIEND ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE CONVERSATION. ONCE AGAIN PLEASE NOTE HIS FRIEND IS NOT SEEN OR HEARD.

MAN: Hello...Oh, hi Jay...You saw her today?...No way...Uh-huh...Well, did she mention me?...You what?!...You told her I liked her! How could you?...Well, what did she say?...That bad, huh?...It's no use. I'll never get the girl...I don't make enough money. Jay, chicks like guys who have lots of money...What about money?...Ya, I know who you mean. The Richardsons. They are that rich family from church...No way! Every year they take a month-long vacation in Hawaii? That makes me sick!...Are you kidding me? You actually saw Mrs. Richardson put a $20 bill into the offering plate and take out a $10 and a $5. Wait until I tell everyone about that...That is so unfair...Why does God do that? Why does He give money to people like that who misuse it?...Life is so unfair...Ya, well if I had money like that, I'd never misuse it. And I'd never take money out of the offering plate...What would I do with it? I'd buy a new car. Jay, chicks go for guys with nice cars...I don't understand it either. I've been praying for a new car and nothing has happened...Well, I've been praying for at least a couple of weeks now. I told you this already. I even asked you to pray about my getting a new car. You have been praying, haven't you?!...Ya, well thanks a lot. Hey, when you saw her today, what was she wearing?...The pink dress. Aah! I love her in the pink dress. Listen, Jay, I gotta go. Bye.

MAN HANGS UP PHONE AND GETS ON HIS KNEES. HE BEGINS TO MIME A FRANTIC PRAYER WITH A DESPERATE LOOK ON HIS FACE.

ANNOUNCER: James 4:3-- "When you ask you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

FADE TO BLACK. END SCENE.

TV or not TV

I wrote this drama skit in college. It was a little dated so I tried to make it more current. But I think

the message is still valid. The page formatting is a little off and I haven't figured out how to fix it.

 

TO TV OR NOT TV

SYNOPSIS:          Two teenagers, on a date watching TV. The skit represents how TV programming can desensitize us to the point of abandoning our values.

SETTING:             The average American living room. The two teens sit together on a couch in front   of the TV.

TWO TEENAGERS, A BOY AND A GIRL, ENTER THE ROOM.

GIRL:                     What do you want to do tonight?

BOY:                      (WITH A LESS THAN INNOCENT SMIRK ON HIS FACE.)  I don’t know. What do you wanna do?

GIRL:                     I don’t know. What do you wanna do?

GIRL SITS ON COUCH.

BOY:                      (SMIRKING.) I know what I wanna do.

BOY SITS ON COUCH AND IMMEDIATELY MAKES AGGRESSIVE MOVE TO KISS THE GIRL.

GIRL:                     (PULLING AWAY.) Stop it! I told you I’m not that kind of girl.

BOY:                      (IN DISGUST.) Well, what else are we supposed to do?

GIRL:                     I don’t know. We could watch TV.

GIRL GETS UP AND GRABS THE REMOTE CONTROL.

BOY:                      (SARCASTICALLY).  Oh great!

GIRL:                (HANDING HIM THE REMOTE.) Here, I’ll even try to make it up to you by letting you pick what we watch.

AS THE GIRL SITS BACK DOWN, THE BOY RELUCTANTLY TURNS ON THE TV. ALTHOUGH HE

 REMAINS GENERALLY DISINTERESTED, SHE RECOGNIZES THE SHOW AND GETS INVOLVED IN IT.

GIRL:                     Ooh, I love this movie! This is the scariest part. (REACTING TO THE SCREEN AS SHE DESCRIBES THE ACTION.) Ugh! Up with the knife right through the heart. There’s blood everywhere.

BOY CHANGES THE CHANNEL BY REMOTE.

GIRL:                     Hey, what did you do that for? That is an awesome horror flick! (SHE LOOKS AGAIN TO THE TV.) Well, at least you switched it to MTV. This concert footage is the coolest. Have you seen Hellion in concert? This song is my favorite.  (SHE SINGS ALONG.) “Lust in the dust ‘til you bust or you rust.”

SHE PRETENDS TO BE PLAYING A GUITAR AS SHE IS OBVIOUSLY GETTING INTO THE SONG.

AGAIN THE BOY CHANGES THE CHANNEL BY REMOTE.

GIRL:                     Would you make up your mind! Now what are we watching? (SHE STUDIES THE SCREEN.) Wait, I’ve seen the previews for this show. Oh, what is it called? “Gossip Girl.” Yah, that’s it. (EXPLAINING IT TO HIM.) You see, that’s Sheila. She’s in love with her mother’s boyfriend’s sister’s chauffeur. But she doesn’t want anyone to know. (GETTING MORE EXCITED BY WHAT SHE IS WATCHING.) They’re kissing. Way to go Sheila! Ooh, he’s unbuttoning her blouse.

THE BOY BEGINS TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE SCREEN.

GIRL:                     Yep, they’re gonna do the Big Nasty!

BOY SWITCHES OFF THE TV. AS THE GIRL TURNS TOWARD HIM TO PROTEST, HE AGAIN MAKES

HIS MOVE TO KISS HER. THIS TIME, SHE DOES NOT RESIST.

FADE TO BLACK.

JOB HUNT UPDATE

Hey guys I am going to put myself out there and ask for some help today. I remember saying I would do that three months ago when I wrote on Facebook I had been laid off. I think God's design is for the husband and father to be the spiritual head of the household and at least a significant contributor to the family's financial needs. Right now that is not happening. God is meeting our needs. And I am thankful for that. I'm just not earning my keep. You can be an encouragement to me in one of two ways:

1) Pray that God would move. And pray for my FB friends who are also looking for work -- Randy, James, James and others. Ideally I would love a writing job that allows me to work from home and still be able to walk Parker to and from school every day, and be home with him after school. He requires a lot of special care and I love being the one to give it to him. That is the ideal. Please know I have been applying for other types of jobs, including ones that would require Parker to go to after school care.

2) I am enjoying doing a lot of writing. Right now, it is all volunteer and I am not getting paid for it. Please visit my stories that I have posted  at FootballNation.com. More traffic and more comments are a real help in a tangible way. And they want us to use social media to drive up traffic. So I am not doing anything unusual by asking for your help. Thanks for hearing me out. God bless. Here is a link to my articles:

 http://www.footballnation.com/author/rich-seiber

WILL MY SON BE LIKE ME?

I worry that my son will be effeminate, like me. Not because of anything he has done or demonstrated. But sometimes we become like our parents, even when we don’t want to. We consciously and subconsciously learn their mannerisms and modus operandi. I don’t want him to go through what I went through.

For some reason I have always been very feminine. I wasn’t trying to be that way. It just happened. It was probably a combination of both nature and nurture. The way I walk. The gestures my hands make. The voice that never cracked or changed through puberty. To this day I still get mistaken for a woman in almost every phone conversation I have with a stranger.

I was teased mercilessly for my effeminate nature. I added to the cruelty by never standing up for myself and fighting back. But that is probably a topic for a future blog post. It seemed many of the people in my school, my hometown thought I was gay and repeatedly reminded me of it. For many years I think I thought they must be right. How can so many people be wrong about you?

But now as a husband and father, I want to save my son from my struggles. He will already be a target for teasing. Every kid is to some extent, but with Cerebral Palsy and autism affecting his behavior, he may have some quirky characteristics. Plus the CP has weakened his strength in his legs and arms, so he may naturally be weaker than his schoolmates.  If you add some feminine gestures that he learned from his dad to disability-induced weakness, the kids in his class may be especially cruel.

I won’t be able to protect him from everything. And already in my 40s, it would be difficult to change my body language. Maybe all I can do is affirm his masculinity and strength at every opportunity. Wrestle with him. Applaud his attempts at sports. And encourage healthy male friendships. If I do those things I hope that I can ensure that when it comes to his gestures and gender identity, he won’t be a chip off the old block.