Disappointing Faith

I consider myself to be a Christian, though my faith is a disappointing part of my life. I am drawn to Christianity because I am a conservative, a traditionalist. I believe in the moral tenets of Christendom. Abortion is murder. Adultery is intrinsically harmful. Homosexuality is not what was intended. But beyond those strongly held conservative beliefs, my faith is listless. I will be the first to admit I am not one who is mature or persevering enough to be a great man of God. But in those times when I have sincerely pursued Him, in short, medium or long spurts of time, I have found Jesus to be wanting and absent and discouraging. I can't be the only one who has experienced this. When I think of walking away from my faith, which I often consider doing, I am never able to do it because I am emotionally and morally drawn back to my conservative moral beliefs. But I am never drawn back to or by a relationship with Jesus. That is a mystery I have tried to but never experienced. Faith for me has been a patriotic style feeling but never a friend.