There is a time for everything, and
a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to
die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a
time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a
time to mourn and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes
3:1-4
ESSAY:
I am still trying to get used to the idea
of writing every day. I am learning that I should stop and write as soon as I
am aware I am passionate about something. Or in the case of today, when I am feeling
something acutely. It has been a melancholy day, reminding me of that verse in
Ecclesiastes: “(There is a) time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn
and a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
This morning it was all grief -- just an overwhelming sense of sadness over the loss of my job. I have been dreaming a lot about my former workplace. Sometimes it is a stressful dream, sometimes more pleasant. It just continues to be on my mind and subconscious mind. Maybe because there has been little closure.
The hardest parts for me have been the ending of relationships. When people get laid off, I think everyone chooses sides. Partly for reasons of self-preservation some employees side with the boss because they want their own jobs to be more secure, feel more secure. So, friendships end abruptly. And I miss that day to day contact with those coworkers. We were a part of one another's lives for eight years.
Plus, I think there is the very human response of wanting to know that you are missed. That your productivity and contributions are missed. But you don't see those people anymore, so it proves difficult to access that information. And then there is the fear of what if you are not missed?
Thankfully I don't relive the ending over and over. The grief isn't tied up in remorse or wishing I had done things differently. I'm not second guessing myself. But I probably am still second guessing the decisions of the boss and others.
I have always heard that for adults losing a job is one of the most stressful things you can go through. Right up there with having your spouse die and being forced to speak in public. (I love public speaking so that one doesn't stress me out). Thus, I get that the grief is normal, even healthy. But for how long? And at what intensity? I would imagine you would move on from grief over a job much more quickly than grief over the death of a loved one. Still I am stuck in the grief and ready for the other parts of that Ecclesiastic verse -- the laughing and the dancing.
This morning it was all grief -- just an overwhelming sense of sadness over the loss of my job. I have been dreaming a lot about my former workplace. Sometimes it is a stressful dream, sometimes more pleasant. It just continues to be on my mind and subconscious mind. Maybe because there has been little closure.
The hardest parts for me have been the ending of relationships. When people get laid off, I think everyone chooses sides. Partly for reasons of self-preservation some employees side with the boss because they want their own jobs to be more secure, feel more secure. So, friendships end abruptly. And I miss that day to day contact with those coworkers. We were a part of one another's lives for eight years.
Plus, I think there is the very human response of wanting to know that you are missed. That your productivity and contributions are missed. But you don't see those people anymore, so it proves difficult to access that information. And then there is the fear of what if you are not missed?
Thankfully I don't relive the ending over and over. The grief isn't tied up in remorse or wishing I had done things differently. I'm not second guessing myself. But I probably am still second guessing the decisions of the boss and others.
I have always heard that for adults losing a job is one of the most stressful things you can go through. Right up there with having your spouse die and being forced to speak in public. (I love public speaking so that one doesn't stress me out). Thus, I get that the grief is normal, even healthy. But for how long? And at what intensity? I would imagine you would move on from grief over a job much more quickly than grief over the death of a loved one. Still I am stuck in the grief and ready for the other parts of that Ecclesiastic verse -- the laughing and the dancing.
ABOUT AUTISM:
My wife and I grieved over the loss of our
son’s normalcy. What I mean by that is when we found out our son was going to
be born with health challenges or each time we discovered a new medical
diagnosis for him, there were moments of grief. I remember bawling my eyes out
in a public place when my wife shared news of Parker’s brain trauma with me.
And there was shedding of tears in the doctor’s parking lot when we first
learned Parker had cerebral palsy. I have cried after long, tiring days of
dealing with our son’s autism-related behavioral tantrums. Grieving for what
might have been, a healthier child, is perfectly natural and normal. If you are
in a similar situation, allow yourself to grieve without judgment.
APPLICATION:
How
do we help those who are grieving move on to laughing and dancing? Whether they
are grieving the loss of a loved one, the loss of an income or the loss of an
opportunity, we can come alongside them and usher them into new times, new
memories. Reach out to someone you know is grieving today. Write them an
encouraging note. Call them and just say hi. Take them to lunch and lend a
listening ear. Laughing and dancing don’t happen outside of relationships so
relate to someone’s sorrow today and bring them relief from the grief.
This essay is from my book More Autism and Awesometism: Devotionals From and About a Special Needs Family.
This essay is from my book More Autism and Awesometism: Devotionals From and About a Special Needs Family.
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