KEY VERSE:
“In your
anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians
4:26
ESSAY:
I yelled at a man today. Screamed at
him, actually. In a hotel lobby. And 12 hours later, I still haven't gotten over
it. The anger still courses through me. I'm not sure why I got so angry. I even
apologized to the guy for my outburst five minutes later. Still, I don't think
my anger was unjustified. When it comes to my emotions, I feel very insecure,
inexperienced. Maybe most men do.
It all started when my family was
trying to check out of our hotel room after a weekend retreat for work.
Families were invited, and the boss was paying for the room on the company
credit card. Somehow the lady behind the front desk was unwilling to charge the
room to the company credit card. So, while we were trying to resolve the
matter, my son Parker, who is every bit the toddler of two and a half years
old, got bored and frustrated. He started screaming. Parker is and has always
been a screamer. It's hard to be the parent of a screamer. The dirty looks you
get from others. The "Why can't you control your child?" glares. And
the way it makes you think, why can't I control my child? To be honest, I don't
completely know why my son screams. I know part of it is because he is in the
"terrible twos." But he screamed at younger ages, too, so that is not
the full answer. Another element is he is a strong-willed child, and his
boredom led him to react in a strong-willed way. Part of it is also a result of
his disability. His therapists tell us that his cerebral palsy has left him
with sensory deprivation. Screaming is a way to jolt his system when he needs
it. But of course, people unfamiliar with Parker don't know this. Including the
man I yelled at today. He, too, was waiting in the lobby. After about three
loud screams from Parker, he had had enough and yelled at him. I immediately
blew my top. I screamed at him...LOUD...in front of a lot of people in the
hotel lobby. "Don't yell at my son," I hollered. "He has Cerebral Palsy and he screams because he can't control himself. DON'T YELL AT
MY SON." The guy remained silent, I think shocked him by my outburst.
Believe me, screaming and yelling is
not my modus operandi. It's very rare that I would raise my voice like that to
a stranger. But something snapped. I had to walk outside for a few minutes to
calm down. I still need to calm down from it. My wife was glad I yelled at him.
She says I need to work at not bottling up my emotions, instead letting them
out. Even in crowded hotel lobbies. So why am I still so worked up about it?
Why did I feel the need to apologize? All ongoing questions for another day, I
suppose.
ABOUT AUTISM:
The above
event happened when my son was two and a half years old. It wasn’t until six
months later that he was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. Yet the
need to scream to combat his sensory deprivation was a telling sign of the
autism diagnosis that was to come. Screaming has consistently been a part of
his autistic tantrums throughout his life. Sensory deprivation and sensory
overload are common among individuals with autism. Along with screams, my son
regularly requires squeezes. He asks us to squeeze his hands, arms, feet and
legs to stimulate sensation throughout his body.
APPLICATION:
The Bible
does not condemn anger. God created us with emotions and anger is one of the
key ones. Even Jesus got angry. Our Father does however condemn sin that
results from our anger. We are commanded to speak the truth in love (Ephesians
4:15). I spoke the truth to that man in the hotel lobby. I think I missed the
mark on the “in love” part. When you get angry, where do you miss the mark? Do
you use foul language to express anger? Does your anger cause you to gossip or
tear down others as a way of feeling better about yourself? Perhaps pride
invades your anger and causes you to get self-involved and forget about the
needs of others. Don’t feel guilty about getting angry. God wants us to get
angry. But he also wants us to act responsibly and righteously when we do. The
next time you are feeling angry, remember to invite the Holy Spirit into your
anger and ask Him to protect you from sin.
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