My anxiety therapist LOVES this story and wanted me to post it on my blog. It is from my book
More Autism and Awesometism: Devotionals from and About a Special Needs Family.
CARNY ENCOURAGEMENT: A SHORT STORY
KEY VERSE:
Bear with each other and forgive
one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you. Colossians 3:13
ESSAY:
“5 darts for $5. Pop 3 balloons and win a
BIIIG prize,” he barked.
As the carnival crowd ignored him and
bustled by, he darted behind the booth for another drag on his cigarette. When
he popped his head back around, he was startled to see her, as if one of his
giant balloons had just exploded.
“Hi dad,” she said.
With the hot sun beating down on his
balloon booth he shielded his eyes, pretending to look at her. But it wasn’t
really the sun, it was the shame that made him avert her gaze.
“Mom told me where I could find you. She
said you had trouble finding work and this was the only place that would hire
you.” She paused to fight back the tears. She didn’t realize this would be so
hard. His obvious discomfort wasn’t making it any easier.
“I’m sorry I never came to visit you,” she
continued.
This was too painful for him and he turned
to walk away, though he had no escape. She noticed how thin his frame was, how
old and tired he looked. Sure, carny workers always look old and tired, but
this was different. She had never seen him like this before.
“Don’t go,” she gasped. “It wasn’t just
you. I never visited mom, either. When I came back to town, I was shocked that
you two were still together. That she had waited for you.”
That made him smile and he stopped in his
tracks.
“She said she decided to forgive you and
that she still loved you. Always loved you. She waited five long years.”
“I don’t deserve your mother,” he
stammered. He thought his baby girl was gone forever. Instead she was
here, and he was dirty and smelly. He had never wanted her to see him like
this. He grabbed some balloons and began blowing them up, trying to keep busy.
He needed something to do with his nervous energy.
“I didn’t wait,” she sobbed. Without
realizing it, her crying had caused quite a commotion. Carnival goers, always
eager to see a freak show, began to stop and stare.
“I got out of town as fast as I could. The
only reason I got all those college scholarships is that people felt sorry for
me. The good girl from the good family, until the dad got charged with a
felony. I was so embarrassed. And I was so angry at you.” The sheer force of
that sentence, the first time she had ever spoken those words, compelled her to
look directly at him. For one brief moment they locked eyes and he was stung by
her anger. He stopped exhaling and the balloon in his mouth shriveled up and
fell to the floor. He wished he could do the same.
“My anger was so out of control I ended up
following in your footsteps. I became the very thing I hated.”
Those words were a dagger. The last thing a
father ever wants to do is hurt his child and he could see how deep a wound he
inflicted. He reached out for her but shrunk back in fear.
“I didn’t come back to town because I
wanted to. I had to. My anger consumed me, and I couldn’t focus on school. I
got expelled for cheating. Like father, like daughter.”
As he began to cry, he noticed the
onlookers and tried to shoo them away. He popped a balloon to break the tension
and yelled, “Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.”
She thought he was trying to shut her up
and she needed to finish. She had to get this off her chest. “No, I’ll pay,”
she blurted. “Here’s $5” as she fumbled through her purse. She started talking
faster, afraid that he would bolt.
“I came across the letters you wrote me
from prison. I had never opened them. I was too good for you. You had hurt me,
and I wanted nothing to do with you. But then when I saw them again, I thought
maybe it will be comforting to read about someone’s life that is more messed up
than mine.”
An older lady from the crowd approached and
handed her a tissue. She wiped away a tear and let out a sigh that could have
deflated a row of balloons.
“But I was wrong,” she admitted. “Your
letters weren’t messed up. You told me how sorry you were. That you loved me.
You took responsibility for your mistake. You shared about the Bible study in
your cellblock and asking God to forgive you. You sounded so at peace. And I
didn’t have any peace. So, I knew I needed to forgive you.”
Murmurs rose up from the crowd like an
episode of the Jerry Springer show. Some agreed with her, some walked
way in disgust. She turned to look at the crowd, as if to persuade them. “Mom
and I agreed. I need to forgive you. I do forgive you, dad.”
Applause broke out amongst her supporters
as she looked back at her dad. He ran to the edge of the booth and leaped over
the counter. He swung her around in his arms as the remaining crowd hollered
their support.
APPLICATION:
The old adage is you always hurt the ones
you love. And it is often true. Those nearest and dearest to us can cause the
deepest wounds. Who, in your life, do you need to forgive? Remember that we are
admonished to forgive as Christ has forgiven us. Even if that person doesn’t
ask for forgiveness. Even if they don’t deserve forgiveness. Who is God calling
you to forgive? Begin the act of forgiveness by writing that person a letter.
You don’t even have to mail it. Just put the words of forgiveness down on
paper. Ask God to use this simple exercise to move in your heart toward
forgiving that loved one, that coworker, that friend.
